Could Genuine Friendship Soothe the Ache of Singleness?

Blog Admin June 20, 2023

Could Genuine Friendship Soothe the Ache of Singleness?

By Katy Weaver

Singleness can be hard. Some may be in a place where they disagree, while others may be tracking entirely. Regardless of where you find yourself, the desire of this piece is to encourage and uplift, rather than be an unhelpful reminder of an undesirable or challenging season.

From a secular standpoint, singleness is tied to being alone and often associated with being unmarried. For Christ followers, this includes a commitment to sexual abstinence until marriage, as well as the pursuit of purity and holiness. Scripturally, singleness is referenced as a gift and a blessing. Practically, it is often difficult and riddled with misconceptions.

Most of us are likely familiar with Paul’s words to the Corinthians regarding singleness. In our efforts to find comfort, understanding, and solace in a God-glorifying way, we often try to hold tightly to his words. Who wouldn’t want to be “free from anxieties” (1 Cor 7:32, ESV)? Shouldn’t it be encouraging that “he who refrains from marriage will do even better” (1 Cor 7:38)?

If these are the truths before us, why is singleness so hard?

Outside of the obvious realities of unmet desires and the potential for loneliness, addressing some of the misconceptions tied to singleness is of paramount importance.

First and foremost, there is an unfortunate stigma present in the church today that being single is “lesser than,” maybe even wrong. For most, this is not an obvious admission. Rather, it is a subconscious belief that singles are incomplete or lacking. This ideology directly contradicts the truth of the Scripture referenced above, and also damages those who are presently single. This way of thinking, especially if paired with an idolatrous view of marriage, reiterates to the single individual that they are somehow inadequate.

This can be challenging when, in efforts to encourage one another, we sometimes affirm this misconception through mistruth or promises that were never guaranteed. Examples include the expectation that marriage is a given, or that those “called to singleness” will eventually reach a point where they do not desire marriage.

Some singles may think these things about themselves outside of the influence of others. In his book, Going Solo, Eric Klinenberg reveals the staggering amounts of individuals choosing to live alone due to the growing societal trend that convenience is more favorable than community. Whether through lifestyle choice or unmet expectations, single people can quickly begin to believe lies about themselves without ever having a conversation with another individual pertaining to the topic.

Secondly, singleness is often not a chosen season. It can be accompanied by feeling denied certain desires or privileges that God allows others to have. Some may be tempted to view their singleness as wasteful, or as a way God is keeping them from sexual fulfillment or genuine satisfaction. These misunderstandings promote the idolatry of marriage in the church and an incomplete view of intimacy.

Sam Allberry’s book, 7 Myths about Singleness (shameless plug, it’s phenomenal), has been a helpful resource for me as I have thought through this topic. Here are four suggestions for addressing the challenges and misconceptions related to singleness.

Prepare to fight

Singles must fight the temptation to believe the lies of the enemy. This means fleeing the tendency to superimpose thoughts or assumptions on others. Sometimes, we will have to disregard the comments of others while extending grace to them in moments of unintended ignorance. Other times, it will simply mean preaching the gospel of grace and truth to ourselves in order to see our worth as image-bearers of the King.

Work toward a unified understanding of friendship

Thankfully, the Bible provides us with beautiful, unadulterated examples of friendship. Take David and Jonathan in 1 Samuel, or meditate on Proverbs 17-19. Genuine friendship is a voluntary, committed support for another that requires protection and is rooted in the humility of the gospel. It requires work from both parties. This means that singles cannot walk around expecting others to always understand their struggles and meet all their needs.

Simultaneously, Scripture’s emphasis on friendship means that we all must prioritize building relationships with people who are in seasons different than our own, guaranteeing the edification of the saints. Singles have the ability to pursue a greater breadth of friendships; couples and families have the ability to invite others to be a part of the family experience in their home. Neither is better than the other. Both are important for the health of the body of Christ.

Pursue lives of grace and intentionality

Not everyone is going to do this perfectly. We live in an age where friendship is being denigrated daily. In his book, Allberry discusses how the rise of social media has made “friendship” trivial and fake as we flaunt our abundance of comrades through likes and mentions. We must be intentional towards one another to champion the gift of friendship, especially within the local body. Through the gospel, we have much in common with each other.

Come to an appropriate understanding of intimacy

Too often we associate intimacy with sex and believe that deep affection must be sexual in nature. However, if we are in Christ, we are able to experience the deepest intimacy there is. We are all fully known and loved by him. He himself tells us this when he says, “No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15). Allberry sums it up well when he states, “friendship is a wonderful form of intimacy… to be so deeply known and so deeply loved is precious.”

Do we believe that deep friendship is possible? If so, could this friendship help soothe the ache of singleness? Let’s humbly strive to put on Philippians 2:3-4 and “count others more significant than [ourselves]” and “look not only to [our] own interests, but also to the interests of others.” As we seek to humbly understand others and their season, we will be better suited to build relationships in the body. Just think about all the ways the church could minister through a community of faith marked by vulnerable, constant, genuine friendships that reside in the gospel. What a testimony to a dying world! Soli Deo Gloria.

Katy serves as the Director of College Discipleship, Membership, and Growth Groups at Imago Dei Church. She holds an MA in Christian Education from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary and is most passionate about seeing people grow in their love and understanding of God’s Word and His character. If she isn’t playing any sport anywhere, you can catch her running some trails with her pup, Simon.

Community, Lifestyle, Theology

Lifestyle Discipleship: Good Followers Make Good Fathers

Blog Admin October 19, 2022

Lifestyle Discipleship: Good Followers Make Good Fathers

By Matt Steele

In his excellent book Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Tedd Tripp writes:

The only safe guide is the Bible. It is the revelation of God who has infinite knowledge and can therefore give you absolute truth. God has given you a revelation that is robust and complete. It presents an accurate and comprehensive picture of children, parents, family life, values, training, nurture, discipline. All you need to be equipped for the task of parenting.

Brothers, we must be men of the Book if we are going to undertake the task of parenting in a way that honors God and blesses our children. We will not succeed if we parent by our own power.

Pastor John Piper comments, “Dad should take the initiative to make sure that plans, processes and people are in place to build a vision of God, truth and holiness into the lives of the children.” That’s how we bring our children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

The great news for all of us is that we don’t do this on our own. We have one another (the Church) for help and support. We are a family together

Let’s look together at just one verse and see what it says about parenting. Ephesians 6:4 says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

DO NOT PROVOKE YOUR CHILDREN TO ANGER

What are some ways in which it is possible to provoke our children to anger? Inconsistency in discipline is one way. Hypocrisy is another. Whenever someone tells me they have an angry child, I always ask them to tell me about their own anger issues. Our kids will always learn from our example. What are your children learning from you?

BRING THEM UP

This phrase means to provide for, especially with nourishment. We are to raise our children with an overtone of care. This is the same phrase that Paul uses in Ephesians 5:29 when he writes, “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.”

Love must be our attitude and posture as we give discipline and instruction to our children. We have an excellent model for how to do this: our Heavenly Father. He is the one who is working all things together for our good. Do our children know that we are attempting to work all things, including discipline and instruction, together for their good? Brothers, if we do this, we will show them what our God is like.

IN THE DISCIPLINE

Discipline is the set of actions that we take in order to give our children the facilities, skills and character to live their lives for the glory of God. This same idea is found in 2 Timothy 3:16, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.”

It is also found in Hebrews 12:7-8:

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.

We show, with our words and our actions, how to walk in a way that is Christ-exalting. We also show the consequences of not doing so. Fathers, if you and I are not students of the word of God, devoted to prayer, and active in Christian community, this task will be too much. We will operate with insufficient power and offer our children nothing but flawed, worldly wisdom.

AND INSTRUCTION

This phrase is not about teaching our children. It is about warning our children. See how it is used in other passages in Paul’s letters:

Colossians 1:28 – Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ.

1 Thessalonians 5:14 – And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all

1 Corinthians 4:14 – I do not write these things to make you ashamed, but to admonish you as my beloved children.

Colossians 3:16 – Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.

We must be actively warning our children of the consequences of living a life without regard for God and His word. If God truly has given us everything we need for life and godliness (and He has) we owe it to our children to give and teach them this insight.

OF THE LORD

Finally, we see the direction we should be pointing our children: the Lord. Our parenting should always be through the Lord, and for the Lord.

Fathers, in order to be active disciple-makers in your home, you must guide all your works and ways by God’s word, depend on God’s wisdom and strength, and make everything in your life about the glory of Christ. The most important work that you and I have to do is raising up the disciples that the Lord has given us in our own homes. Let us live and raise them in such a way that they grow to see Christ as their greatest treasure and the goal of their existence.

Matt and Laura Steele have been married for 24 years. Parents to 6 kids, they are blessed to have both biological and adopted children. The Steeles have also spent time as foster parents. Matt is employed by Cepheid as a Manager of Sales Training and Development, while Laura homeschools the kids. The Steeles are from Texas and moved to Raleigh from Lake Villa, IL. Matt and Laura are graduates of Texas Tech University in Lubbock. Matt has a Masters from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Matt and Laura are certified Biblical counselors.

Discipleship, Equipping Leaders, Lifestyle, Parenting

Celebrating Earth Dei

Blog Admin April 20, 2022

Celebrating Earth Dei

In February 1990, while passing through the outer limits of our solar system, the Voyager 1 spacecraft looked back from where it had come and took a famous snapshot that became known as the “Pale Blue Dot”. Earth appeared in the darkness of space as a single pixel situated in a beam of sunlight reflecting off the camera’s lens. This photo, in which our planet appears so small and distant, could alter our perception, causing us to mistakenly doubt the significance of something so miniscule.

Commenting on the Pale Blue Dot, the atheistic astronomer Carl Sagan hopelessly said, “Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.” Sagan’s quote illustrates the reality of Romans 1:25 that people have exchanged the truth of God’s Word for a lie. Earthly wisdom disregards God and entices us to believe that our only chance of salvation is through our own efforts. The lie takes root and leads us down a path of disbelief as we defiantly rebel against our Creator. We worship creation instead of the God who created us. We try, in vain, to save the world believing that we alone can help ourselves.

In comparison, we can imagine the psalmist viewing this photo and asking, “When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?” (Psalm 8:3-4). We find the answer in the following verses of Psalm 8, as the psalmist praises God that He is indeed mindful of humankind and has given us dominion over His creation. Furthermore, Scripture tells us we were made in the imago Dei and are able to know our Creator and be known by Him. Instead of despairing over our position in the universe, we can be encouraged that God deeply cares for His creation and interacts with us personally.

"Instead of despairing over our position in the universe, we can be encouraged that God deeply cares for His creation and interacts with us personally. "

From the perspective of Voyager 1, Earth appeared as a small, seemingly inconsequential speck in the universe, but it is far from insignificant. God took care to create an abundance of lifeforms on this planet. The spectacular array of plant, fish, and animal species is mesmerizing. Scripture tells us that on the final day of creation, God made mankind and gave a special command that humans would be the dominant inhabitants. People were to multiply and spread out over the whole earth.

It is a blessing that humans are able to interact with God’s amazing creation. We wondrously gaze at the rising and setting sun, we diligently work the soil to plant and harvest crops, and we instinctively take cover from the violent thunderstorm. The common grace that we experience through living on this planet everyday is evidence of our heavenly Father’s generosity.

While there is much beauty on the earth there is also much sin. The effects of sin and unavoidable death mean that humans need more than just common grace. We need God’s saving grace. Without God’s help, our time on earth would be hopeless and life after death would be a life of torment, separated from Him.

Mercifully, God intervened in our predicament. He became incarnate on Earth and dwelled with His creation. It is on this planet that He walked the dusty roads, and felt the water of the Jordan River. It is here that the soil beneath the cross was stained with His blood. And it is in this place that the heavy stone was rolled away and victory over death was confirmed. Through Jesus, God offers forgiveness and reconciliation to rebellious people. We praise our God because He now receives glory, not because of our destruction as objects of wrath, but because we are beloved sons and daughters in His family.

Interestingly, April 22nd is approaching and that is the day the world celebrates Earth Day. To mark this day in the past, you may have planted a tree or recycled a few more aluminum cans, but I believe we have much more to celebrate. We have a heavenly Father who has created a beautiful world. He created humans in His image and desires a relationship with us. In fact, he took the step of dwelling with us on our planet. He was rejected, He suffered, and was killed to provide a way for salvation and reconciliation.

This year when we observe Earth Day, let’s not celebrate created things but rather the Creator. Believers can follow the lead of Psalm 118:24, rejoicing gladly and thanking God for another day that we’re alive on planet Earth. We can openly acknowledge God’s handiwork in creation, pushing back against the world’s faulty narrative that the earth was somehow formed without Him. Going further, we eagerly live as ambassadors of our king, representing His agenda on earth. We take to heart the instructions in Micah 6:8, fighting for justice for the oppressed and vulnerable, generously extending mercy to our enemies, and conducting our lives with humility by understanding the drastic steps our heavenly father took to secure our freedom from sin.

In all these ways and more we can celebrate “Earth Dei” and proclaim the excellence of our Creator. By His grace, He has not left us on our own to figure out how to save our world or ourselves. We can wholeheartedly sing in agreement with Psalm 121:1-2, “I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.”

Stephen and his wife, Christy, along with their four boys, moved to North Carolina in 2014 and became members of Imago Dei. Team Britton is originally from Louisiana which means they love to cook Cajun food and cheer for the LSU Tigers. Stephen serves IDC as a deacon and growth group leader.

https://solarsystem.nasa.gov/resources/536/voyager-1s-pale-blue-dot/

Blog, Creation, Lifestyle

The Messy Beauty of Gospel Community

Blog Admin April 6, 2022

The Messy Beauty of Gospel Community

Over the past decade, the term “gospel community” has grown popular. But what does “gospel community” actually mean? It’s become one of those phrases that we may hear a lot or even say a lot, but do we know what it means? As we live life alongside one another in the local church, we need to grasp what the Bible tells us about how we live well with one another.

Gospel Community Defined

First, when we talk about being a gospel community, we mean that we are a community that is formed and sustained by the gospel. In Titus 2, Paul writes that Jesus Christ “gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works” (Titus 2:14 ESV). The Apostle Paul points to the gospel—the good news that Jesus gave himself to redeem and purify a people for himself. Those who respond in faith to that good news are made part of God’s people. We are literally brought into the family of Jesus Christ.

By “gospel community,” we also mean that we are a community that is centered on the gospel. The good news of Jesus Christ is our focus. We look to Christ, follow Christ, and are excited about Christ. Everything we do comes back to Jesus and points to his life-changing message.

"The good news of Jesus Christ is our focus. We look to Christ, follow Christ, and are excited about Christ. Everything we do comes back to Jesus and points to his life-changing message."

Why Gospel Community Matters

Once we understand what it is, we can understand why it matters. Why does it matter that God has brought you, Christian, into his people? Why is the church so important?

We see the answer clearly in 1 Timothy 3.

“…if I delay, you may know how one ought to behave in the household of God, which is the church of the living God, a pillar and buttress of the truth.” (1 Timothy 3:15)

Paul describes the church as the “pillar and foundation of the truth.” God uses his church to uphold and proclaim the gospel to the world. He sets them on a mission in the world. The manifold wisdom of God is made known through the church to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. God’s people declare to the world the glory of the Lord Jesus. Through this gospel community, God’s love is made manifest, God’s mission is accomplished, and God’s people are transformed more and more into the likeness of Jesus.

"God’s people declare to the world the glory of the Lord Jesus. Through this gospel community, God’s love is made manifest, God’s mission is accomplished, and God’s people are transformed more and more into the likeness of Jesus."

So it matters that we are saved into this thing we call “gospel community”—the church of God—because God reveals his glory to his people and through his people.

How We Live as Gospel Community

How does God reveal his glory in and through his people? Through the ways we live with and relate to one another in this community of faith.

Perhaps one of the best pictures of this is the early church found in Acts 2.

“And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.” (Acts 2:42-27)

This devotion to one another is counter-cultural. It’s a devotion to one another fueled by the gospel and a love for Jesus. Therefore, the first way we should live as a gospel community with one another is to cultivate our own love for God. Adoration leads to transformation; the way we live with one another is transformed by growing awe for the Lord.

The second way we should live as a gospel community is to love one another in both word and deed. We should actively live out the “one another’s” of Scripture. The New Testament contains around 60 “one another” commands given to Christians. For example:

In John 13, Jesus tells his disciples to love one another, explaining that their love will testify to the world that they are his disciples.
Romans 12:10 urges us to be devoted to one another in love.
In Galatians 5:13, Paul instructs the Galatians to serve one another in love.
1 Thessalonians 4:18 and 5:11 repeatedly call us to encourage or build up one another.

These “one another” commands are more than just nice ways to relate to each other. Going back to Jesus’ words in John 13, these “one another’s” are about neighbor love. They are about displaying a Kingdom ethic to one another and the world. As Christians, we have a different way of life and a different way of relating to one another in how we unite around the gospel. When we forgive one another, it points us to God’s ultimate forgiveness through Christ. When we serve one another, we are reminded of Christ who came to serve.

The “one another’s” are also a means of neighbor-love to those who are not followers of Jesus. In John 13, Jesus explains that the way we love one another is a testimony to the world about our Savior and Lord. It is a radically different love displayed through radically ordinary means. This love on display invites the watching world to come inside, follow Jesus, and become part of his family.

For an extended list of the “one another” passages, see this page.

The Glory of Gospel Community

This is why gospel community matters. God has saved us into a family, so let us be family. May we seek to be “one another Christians” who display the love of Christ in the way that we love and serve one another as a gospel community. Not every family is perfect, and the church on this side of eternity is no different. But we have a perfect Savior who is actively working in us to transform us—together—from one degree of glory to another.

Trevor is originally from Oklahoma and serves on staff at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary in Wake Forest, NC. He holds a bachelor’s degree from Mid-America Christian University as well as a master’s degree and a doctorate from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. He is a fan of good coffee, bookstores, and superheroes. Trevor and his wife, Ashley, raise their daughters in Wake Forest.

Blog, Community, Lifestyle

An Unhurried Life

Blog Admin March 9, 2022

AN UNHURRIED LIFE

By Denise O’Donoghue

Jesus’ life was characterized by an unhurried style of living. Yet he accomplished much. In fact, he accomplished every task he was given by the Father, but he didn’t rush to get it all done. He lived a simple, purposeful, unhurried life. Does that describe your life or my life?

Do any of these words describe your day-to-day life: Busy. . . Over-committed. . . Fast-paced. . . Stressful

Sound familiar? And doesn’t all this perpetuate a life of worry and anxiety?

THE EXAMPLE OF JESUS

Let’s just take one quick look at a day in the life of Jesus. Matthew 9 tells the story of an important man, Jairus, asking Jesus to come to his house because his daughter was dying. As Jesus was heading to Jairus’ home, a woman from the crowd who had suffered from bleeding for 12 years touched his robe. Jesus, without rushing, immediately stops to engage the woman and heal her. “Take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well” (Matt. 9:22). Only then does he continue on to Jairus’ home where we learn his daughter has now died. “Don’t worry,” Jesus tells them, “She is not dead, only sleeping.” Then Jesus takes her hand and tells her to arise.

How would you have responded to Jairus? “Sure, Jairus, I’ll go with you because I don’t have anything else to do.” How would you have responded to the woman? She was clearly another interruption. And even if I handled the situation well, I would be consumed with worry over what I should be doing (you know, my to-do list). I know my answer, and it’s not something to brag about.

What was Jesus’ secret? How did he live an unhurried life that seemed to welcome interruption (a stark contrast for most of us)?

The simple and powerful secret to Jesus’ unhurried life was his closeness to our heavenly Father.

A VIBRANT RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR FATHER IS KEY

As with any relationship, there are some key ingredients that go into making it a valuable one. You must spend one-on-one time with the person in order to know them, and there must be mutual love between you and them. It was because of Jesus’ love for his Father and vice versa that he was able to accept the Father’s will for his life as his own will. Surrendered completely!

If you’ve ever doubted God’s love for you, let the truth of God’s Word speak to your heart: “In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins” 1 John 4:10. And John 3:16 reiterates this.

So how do we fall deeply in love with God? We do this by spending one-on-one time with him just like in any relationship.

In reading his Word, we come to learn not only who God is, but his character and his will for our lives. His Word is where he reveals himself to us. But we must be willing to invest in the relationship. How much time do you spend each day getting to know the Father and his will for your life?

Jesus clearly knew the Father. In fact, Jesus tells us he came from the Father (John 8:42). Jesus’ knowledge of the Father didn’t keep him from continuing to spend intentional time with him. We consistently see Jesus prayerfully seeking the Father. From Matthew we see some key times when Jesus drew away to be alone in secret with the Father:

In grief, after the death of his cousin, John the Baptist (14:13)
In exhaustion, after a full day of ministry (14:23)
In anguish, when he cried out in to the Father in prayer before his pending arrest, death (26:39, 42, 44)

We know that Jesus prayed and we see in Matthew 6 that he gives instructions for where and how we are to pray—in secret (6:6) and according to the model prayer he gives in 6:9–13.

The secret to an unhurried (unworried) life, therefore, is a relationship with the One who has given us life, loved us unconditionally, and promises to never let us go. I certainly don’t do this perfectly, but I can tell you that my best days are the days that start with one-on-one time with my Father in my secret place.

"The secret to an unhurried (unworried) life, therefore, is a relationship with the One who has given us life, loved us unconditionally, and promises to never let us go."

OUR CHALLENGE

I want to challenge us to examine our lives. Where can we grow our relationship with the Father? Will you identify one change that you are going to make and then ask him to help you? He is faithful and will do this because he desires to spend time in secret with his beloved.

Denise has served as the Director of Women’s Life and Assistant Professor at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, where she taught graduate courses in ministry to women. Prior to serving at Southeastern, Denise was a student there and earned both her MA in Biblical Counseling and Doctor of Education. Currently, she serves as Director of Counseling Development. Denise and her husband Rod have been married 46 years and have two married daughters and six grandchildren.

Blog, Discipleship, Lifestyle